Parental Favoritism: Impact on Sibling Mental Health & Development

Parents often notice that they find one child easier to connect with than another at a given stage. That is not the same as favoritism, and it is not unusual. Perceived favoritism, however, especially when it is visible to the children involved, has been linked in the research literature to effects on sibling relationships and child wellbeing. This handout covers what favoritism tends to look like, why it happens, what the research actually supports, and practical ways to keep parent-child connection even across several children.

Key Takeaways

• Parental Differential Treatment (PDT) is the term the research literature uses for unequal warmth, attention, or discipline across siblings.
• PDT that children themselves perceive as unfair is more strongly linked to sibling conflict and lower wellbeing than PDT that children understand as developmentally appropriate.
• Treating children the same is not the goal. Treating them fairly for their age and needs is.
• Prevention is built on predictable connection with each child, consistent discipline, and avoiding direct sibling comparisons.
• Bring it up at a visit if one child seems persistently withdrawn, is struggling with self-esteem, or if sibling conflict feels outside the usual range.

What Favoritism Usually Looks Like

• Consistently more patience, tone, or warmth with one child.
• Discipline that is noticeably harsher for one child than another for the same behavior.
• Noticeable differences in praise, privileges, or responsibilities that are not explained by age or developmental need.
• Frequent direct comparisons between siblings.
• Spending meaningfully more one-on-one time with one child than another over long stretches.

Why It Happens

• Different developmental stages. A 2-year-old and a 10-year-old require very different kinds of attention, which can read as unfair to either side.
• Shared interests or temperament. Parents often find it easier to connect with a child who shares their personality or interests.
• Stress, fatigue, or a parent’s own history. Exhausted parents have less patience to spread around.
• A child’s behavior. A child who is easy to parent right now may get different treatment than a sibling who is struggling.
• Birth order. Firstborns often carry more responsibility. Younger children often benefit from a more relaxed hand.
• Cultural or family-of-origin patterns, including gender-based expectations.

What the Research Shows

Studies on parental differential treatment have linked perceived favoritism to increased sibling conflict, lower self-esteem in the less-favored child, and in some cases greater risk of depressive symptoms in the same child during adolescence. Effects are larger when children perceive the difference as unfair and smaller when children can explain the difference (for example, “my younger sister needs more help with homework”). Protective factors include a warm overall family climate and consistent individual relationships with each child. Effect sizes vary across studies and are not as sweeping as popular headlines sometimes suggest. Even preschool-age children can accept different treatment when it is explained in terms of age, need, or behavior. They react more strongly to differences that feel unexplained.

Everyday Strategies

• Protect regular one-on-one time with each child, even 10 to 15 minutes most days, or 15 to 20 minutes a few times a week. Short and consistent beats long and occasional.
• Praise specific behavior rather than comparing children. “I noticed how patient you were while I was on the phone” is better than “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
• Keep discipline consistent. The same behavior should earn the same response regardless of which child.
• Explain differences openly when children notice them. Fair is not always identical. “Your brother gets more screen time because he has finished homework. You’ll have the same option when yours is done.”
• Rotate small privileges and responsibilities rather than letting one child hold the “good kid” role or the “helper” role permanently.
• Do a quick mental inventory once a week: which child got the bulk of my attention, and which got the bulk of my corrections?

What to Avoid

• Comparing siblings to each other, positively or negatively.
• Assigning fixed family roles (“the responsible one,” “the troublemaker”).
• Venting frustration about one child to another.
• Ignoring a child’s repeated statement that they feel left out. Even if you are confident you are balanced, the perception itself matters.

When to Bring It Up With Us

• Sleep changes, school avoidance, or recurring stomachaches or headaches in a child, especially the one who feels less favored.
• A child who has become persistently withdrawn, sad, or irritable.
• Significant sibling conflict or aggression that is outside the usual range.
• A child who repeatedly says that they are not loved, are treated unfairly, or does not matter.
• A parent who feels stuck in a pattern they cannot change, or who is recognizing elements of their own childhood in what is happening.
• Any concern at all about mental health in a child, or about a parent’s own mental health.

We can help sort typical developmental patterns from issues that deserve a family-therapy or behavioral-health referral.

Bottom Line

Most families have stretches where one child gets more attention than another. That is not a crisis. What makes the difference long-term is whether each child has a steady, individual relationship with each parent. If something about the pattern in your home is bothering you, or bothering your child, please raise it at a visit. It is well within what we want to help with.

Call ELP at (727) 372-6760 or schedule online. Stay healthy my friends.

Sources

• Research on Parental Differential Treatment (PDT), including longitudinal and review work by McHale, Jensen, Conger, and colleagues.
• American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: sibling relationships and family dynamics articles.
• Zero to Three resources on family and sibling relationships.