Playing favorites among children is more common than many realize. Studies show that up to 40% of people felt lonely growing up in families where favoritism existed. Whether intentional or not, favoritism can shape childhood relationships, self-esteem, and even adult mental health.
While parents may not openly admit to having a “favorite,” small, everyday behaviors—such as praising one child more often or giving more privileges to another—can create lasting emotional scars.
But the good news? Favoritism isn’t permanent. With awareness and intentional parenting, families can heal wounds and strengthen sibling bonds.
Key Takeaways
- Favoritism is often unintentional and shaped by parental stress, child behavior, or cultural expectations.
- Both favored and non-favored children can experience negative effects.
- Sibling relationships may suffer due to jealousy and resentment.
- Long-term impacts include lower self-esteem and difficulties in adult relationships.
- Parents can take steps to reduce favoritism through fair discipline, equal praise, and intentional bonding time.
What Is Parental Favoritism?
Parental favoritism occurs when one child consistently receives more attention, praise, or privileges than others. It can be subtle (tone of voice, patience levels, or small gestures) or overt (differences in discipline, rewards, or responsibilities).
Common Signs of Favoritism
| Sign of Favoritism | Impact on Children |
|---|---|
| Talking about one child more | Creates feelings of exclusion among siblings |
| Giving one child special privileges | Leads to resentment and sibling rivalry |
| More patience and praise for one child | Can cause self-doubt in other children |
| Comparing siblings | Encourages competition rather than bonding |
| Unequal discipline | One child may feel unfairly treated |
Favoritism doesn’t always mean outright neglect or love imbalance—it’s often about how parents unconsciously interact with each child.
Why Favoritism Happens
Birth Order & Age
- Firstborn children often receive more responsibility and praise.
- Younger children may be treated more leniently or protected more.
Personality & Behavior
- Parents may bond more easily with children who share their interests or are easier to manage.
- Strong-willed or highly independent children may be disciplined more strictly.
Parental Stress & External Pressures
- Parents under stress may favor the child who causes them less frustration.
- Cultural expectations can influence favoritism, such as favoring sons over daughters in some families.
The Long-Term Effects of Favoritism
| Effect | Impact on Children |
|---|---|
| Mental Health | Non-favored children may develop self-doubt, anxiety, or depression. |
| Sibling Relationships | Favoritism can cause jealousy, resentment, and long-term emotional distance. |
| Self-Esteem | Favored children may feel pressure to maintain their “perfect” status, while others may struggle with low confidence. |
| Adult Relationships | May result in trust issues, fear of abandonment, or difficulty forming healthy bonds. |
| Career & Workplace | Can lead to imposter syndrome, authority struggles, or a constant need for validation. |
How Parents Can Prevent Favoritism
Quick Wins for Parents (Try These Today!)
✔ Give each child a small, unique compliment (“I love how creative you are!”)
✔ Schedule 15 minutes of one-on-one time per child this week.
✔ Pause before reacting—ask yourself: Am I being fair in this moment?
✔ Encourage sibling bonding through team activities rather than competition.
✔ Check your language—avoid phrases like “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”
Long-Term Strategies to Promote Fairness
- Rotate special privileges so all children get turns choosing activities, meals, or movies.
- Praise each child’s strengths rather than making comparisons.
- Set consistent rules and expectations for all siblings.
- Teach children about fairness—explain that equality doesn’t always mean identical treatment.
- Encourage open discussions about feelings of unfairness.
Quiz: Do You Recognize Favoritism?
1. Which of the following is a common sign of favoritism?
A) Giving one child more freedom than the others
B) Praising each child equally
C) Encouraging all children to pursue their own interests
✅ Answer: A) Giving one child more freedom than the others. Unequal treatment, whether intentional or not, can be a sign of favoritism.
2. How can favoritism impact sibling relationships?
A) It strengthens sibling bonds
B) It creates long-term resentment
C) It has no effect in the long run
✅ Answer: B) It creates long-term resentment. Favoritism can lead to sibling rivalry and emotional distance.
3. What is one way parents can prevent favoritism?
A) Ignore complaints about unfair treatment
B) Rotate special privileges among children
C) Compare children to encourage competition
✅ Answer: B) Rotate special privileges among children. This ensures all children feel equally valued.
4. Which of the following is a long-term effect of favoritism?
A) Higher self-esteem in all children
B) Improved sibling relationships
C) Lower psychological well-being in adulthood
✅ Answer: C) Lower psychological well-being in adulthood. Favoritism can shape a child’s self-perception and confidence for life.
5. What should a child do if they feel they are not treated equally?
A) Try to outshine the favored sibling
B) Communicate their feelings to a parent
C) Ignore their emotions and move on
✅ Answer: B) Communicate their feelings to a parent. Honest discussions can help parents recognize unintentional favoritism.
Final Thoughts
Parental favoritism can have lasting consequences, but awareness and small changes can make a difference. By recognizing favoritism and addressing it early, parents can strengthen family relationships and create a more balanced home environment.
📞 Need expert parenting advice? Visit East Lake Pediatrics for trusted resources and support.
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for professional medical, or healthcare advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider for diagnosis, treatment, and answers to specific medical questions.
